New Beginnings

I’m 8 days in a 12 week cut. Alas, it starts again.

I’m blessed by the people I work with everyday, they push me to be better. They challenge my world view. And even though they don’t realize it, by starting a 12 week “biggest loser”-esque challenge, they provided me with the jump start I forgot and didn’t realize I needed until today. 

2018 has been a weird year for me. A lot has happened, personally, professional, educationally.

My personal life has been weird. Not unmanageable, just weird. There’s been a lot of questioning of worth, am I worthy? 

My professional life feels stable for once. But also full of new challenges. But am I worthy of my title? And more importantly, am I worth more?

Educationally? Well… Of course I started a Ph.D. Program. Full-time. Yes, I’m still working full time. With what time? Beats me most days. 

Fitting in fitness has been a way for me to process my progress and for me to think my thoughts. And today I really need to process; today, I really needed to think.

My fitness goals is something that’s continuously fallen to the way-side with work getting crazier and crazier. Throw in a doc program… I had 0 motivation. Thankfully my coworkers have given me the exact nudge that have pushed me into full gear with my own fitness, my own health. And for once — my mental health.

When fitting in fitness began as a concept and a log, it was about how to jam pack everything in. I talked about meal prep, I talked about lifting, I talked about work-life… But fitness was physical, it was never mental. Now, I’m finally allowing myself an opportunity for that to change.

Part of my doc program involves a coaching certificate through the ICF — yes, me as a coach. Scary. But fun! (PS if you need a coach, I’m always looking for clients). I have to think about developmental lines, how do I want to improve? How can I be better. Ironically, on day 1, I said my mindfulness. I can’t say that I’ve done a ton.

Now with this fitness challenge in full swing… I’m throwing in a focus on mindfulness. Thankfully work is helpful (once again) as I also embark on a 30 day challenge through MindwellU. Let’s see how this all goes.

PPS. I can’t promise that this will be the most well documented journey aside from the IG sphere — I write far too much these days. But I also know that I need to just process elsewhere. We’ll see how this goes…

Meeting Kris Gethins

It was almost a month ago that I had the opportunity to meet Kris Gethins — my long time fitness inspiration and self-proclaimed celebrity bodybuilding trainer. Kris is rolling out his supplement brand to Vitamin Shoppes across the country. Needless to say I was a bit emotional.

Kris and the KM brand has been a huge inspiration in my life and has helped me learn so much about dedication, control, fitness, and health. It’s been a full 3 weeks and the inspiration has not yet left me.

There are times where it gets hard. Where life wants to keep you busy. When your environment wants to take over and prevent me from being my best self. I’m grateful to have role models like Kris and supportive friends who have pushed me along the way and helped me become better.

3 weeks later and I’m still on track and 4 pounds down. I’m getting a inBody body fat analysis tomorrow so I’m excited to report back on bf% loss!

DietBet: a jump start once again

It’s been 8 months since I last posted. Where did the time go?

Since January I’ve been in a new job: a new environment, a new workplace, and (of course) brand new challenges. I can’t even figure out where to begin with how busy things have been… or how out of control my life has gotten. Or how I’ve felt a little lost as it relates to… well, me. I’ll spare you the boring details (for now) — for now all you need to know is that I finally got back into it.

It was June. I weighed in. 220. I was 15 pounds away from where I was when I first started all of this.

The academic year was coming to an end and I knew that if I was going to find a time to try to fit in fitness again, June would be the best time to start. I wasn’t wrong. A few weeks and a DietBet program later… I’m down to 197.

For those of you wondering, a DietBet is an online bet where you enter a “pool”. The particular challenge I looked at involved splitting the pot with folks who successfully loss 4% of their weight in 4 weeks. For those of you who’ve read my blog in the past, you know how closely I follow Kris Gethins. And you guessed it — he hosted. My best friend and I were enthused… and also skeptical. But between the two of us joking around about entering, we finally did. The pot was at 53k by the time the game officially started.

In case you’re wondering..we did it!

It was not an easy 4 weeks by far. DietBet added a whole new level of accountability, even though entering only costed $35. A financial incentive made challenging your peers that much easier and it helped that I had known other people who participated with me.

I stepped into the gym this evening, proud of my win, and ready for a light day in the gym as a reward to myself. By the end of my workout, I realized I had stayed 20 minutes longer than my usual 50 minutes, and I still had energy for more. This was my non-weight win for the week. I finally remembered what it was like to push myself. I’m starting to find me again… and figuring out how I might fit fitness back into my life.

I knew I had to quickly jot some thoughts downI can’t forget that I need to be accountable, with or without a financial incentive. And yes, I know, I know: accountability ultimately has to come from within… but for now I need to make sure I don’t lose steam. So… I’m putting my thoughts onto paper (technically screen) and into the (internet) universe.

Work Life Integration When Balancing Isn’t Realistic

Most of my readers know that I work in education — and my current job fully embodies the wackiness that comes along with a career in student affairs. From a constantly changing schedule to abnormal hours due to student programs, my work days constantly look different.

A year ago, the idea of this would have probably stressed me out. I got used to having a fixed schedule. I would go to the gym before work or after work and I’d come up with a set schedule to be repeated on a weekly basis.

Now, there are days where my first meeting of the day starts at 10 am and my last event cleans up at 11 pm. Tis Life. Of course when this happens 5 days a week (it technically doesn’t) life can get a little out of control. In realizing this, I’ve come to find that it’s not so much about balancing my days anymore. I would be bending my life backwards if I worked 12 hours and tried to find a way to “balance” myself. It doesn’t help that I’ve never been that good at balancing things; I learned how to ride a bike in college.

It turns out that this dynamic nature of my job hours have really forced me to think about what work life balance meant to me. And to rethink of it as integration. Working in an environment where my schedule is constantly shifting has taught me about fitting pieces of my life into my role. This has helped me really critically look at every hour I have free in my schedule.

It helps that my office is about a 1 minute walk from one of the weight rooms/locker rooms on campus, I’m just that lucky. I’ll usually start drinking my pre-workout half an hour before my gym hour, typically mid-meeting, and then I disappear for an hour mid day when I don’t have meetings to escape, run to the gym, work out for 30 minutes, shower, and go back to work. This does mean that I have to skimp a little on my cardio and be efficient when I’m lifting but it forces me to be focused.

On the weekends where I don’t work and mornings/evenings that I now have free (and am trying to figure out what to do with) I make an excuse to do some cardio wherever I can. It also helps that I live across the street from Mission Bay, and I can literally run (lets be real, speed walk) along the water.

Thinking about work-life integration has challenged me to look at free hours in between my day and figure out where I can squeeze in a little me-time. I’ve found myself more energized and focused after the gym, and am better able to serve my students. Talk about a plus!

When life hits… and takes over

It’s been 10 months. In the last 10 months, I’ve let things slip.

Between graduating from graduate school, my first full time job, and the start and end of my first relationship, life has hit me in so many different ways. I realized that in the past year or so, even though graduate school has ended, I’ve continued to let myself get stuck in a vicious cycle of self-involvement. The irony is that I was self-involved with things that were external to me. The things that I intentionally chose to make my priority have negatively affected my life. I haven’t maintained many of my friendships, and it wasn’t about fitting in fitness anymore.

San Diego looked very different to me today. I thought about how my best friend was longer in the city. How many of my major emotional supports over the years are hundreds if not thousands of miles away from me. How I don’t feel 100% settled in my new place (I’m still in boxes, I admit it). How I’m no longer able to walk across my building, and just find someone to go eat with. And yet… I’ve started the process of buying my first place. I looked at San Diego very differently today.

Nancy Scholssberg talks about Transition theory — and the different types of events that occur to create moments of transition. Today was a day where I thought a lot about unanticipated transitions, things like the loss of a dead one, or an earthquake. It was a moment where I thought deeply about how no matter how shitty it feels in the moment to deal with an unanticipated transition, this transition is just that: unanticipated. It is not by my own doing, it is life, ebbing and flowing in it’s own unique way.

I look at my support, however, and realize that I am not alone. But it is up to me to refocus on my personal life, and really rethink what matters the most to me. Trying to reach out to the people around me and redeveloping those friendships and relationships that have become more distanced while I was self-involved. To my friends, I’m sorry.

And while I’ve allowed myself spent a fair amount of time being upset: sitting in my room and finishing the last season of How I Met Your Mother for what feels like the 83rd time, I realized that I need to focus attention back to myself, make it a priority, and hopefully keep it a priority.

For the time being, I’m proud of myself for refocusing some of my energy. I’m allowing myself to enjoy the little victories. Today’s little victory was writing again, working out again, and eating well but deliciously. (a poki-bowl, and steak in case you’re wondering).

Parts of me are 100% still processing: trying to make sense of things. I realize this will take time, but I feel more at peace with it. The next few days are going to be rough.

I realize fitting in fitness now looks different with a full time job that requires me to maintain a somewhat flexible work schedule. I’m no longer 8-4:30. Student Affairs peeps I’m sure you can all relate. But more on how I plan to tackle that beast another day.

My Holiday “Compromise”

So I know my last post talked about celebrating Christmas alone… and all my grand plans.

Well turns out it didn’t happen and I wouldn’t feel right lying.

On the night of Christmas eve (aka last night), I received a text asking for my whereabouts and why I wasn’t at the dinner I’m traditionally at. After  a few texts between my little sister and them, I suddenly had plans to go to LA to visit.

So I realize this comes as a bit anticlimactic after my last post about celebrating Christmas alone, but I realize in my ways, this just reminds me that life is full of little compromises.

Even though I had planned to celebrate Christmas alone, my time back in the area would be concentrated with the people I cared about. I would be productive about the time that I’m here and then head back to SD where I can continue my staycation: relax, unwind, and spend enough time in the hot tub to look like a raisin.

It’s a nice thought that life (and the gym)  is filled with moments of compromise. The nights where I stay up writing papers, wake up early for work, and struggle to put the extra 5 pounds on the plate. The mornings where I realize I forgot to my meals for the evening and spend an extra few dollars buying a veggie tray at work. You might have plans, goals, or even hopes. But being ready to be flexible and go with the flow is important as well.

Sitting here and typing this, I realize that I just compared my holiday plans to buying a veggie platter for lunch. But I mean… metaphors, right?

Today ended up being a lot of fun. We visited my favorite boba tea place, I had a chance to spend time with my little sister, reconnect with a friend, and spend some time catching up and debating life’s great questions. Even though I wasn’t the hermit that I want to be, I’d say that I had a chance to recharge still.

Highlight? We went hiking today (cardio, check), and we have a gym trip planned in the morning tomorrow (weight training, check). Way to fit fitness into my holidays, spending quality time, and everyday life!

This was my holiday compromise. The best part about all of this? My prime rib hasn’t been made and is eagerly awaiting a good roasting… After that soak in the hot tub of course!

Why I’m Spending Christmas Alone…

It’s been over 3 months since I’ve last posted on here. A lot has happened in my life, but only a little bit has happened in the gym.

In the past 3 months, I’ve started a new job. My first full-time job. I’m now advising the student government at UCSD. I’m also still in graduate school. Yes, that’s still a thing. I rekindled my college obsession with Kombucha, and I’m finally in the process of brewing my first batch. Things have been all over the place and I’m ashamed but finally realizing that I’ve let things go. Way more than any human should have.

The past week I’ve been back in the gym in full force – meaning a consistent training schedule and following a meal plan. The few weeks before that I’ve started working out more consistently. This all came nearly two and a half months after I stopped upon returning from DC.

While it’d be easy for me to blame this on work, or school, or life, I realize that I had no one to blame but myself. You see, I was having one of my deep thinking moments on the elliptical today. This is when all my good thoughts happen. And in this good thinking, I realized how for the past three months, I haven’t committed to myself.

In fact, for the past three months, I’ve been so consumed with putting up with everything else going on in my life, that I haven’t had any time for myself.  Whether it be a hectic work week, ridiculous class projects, or my sad excuse for a personal life, I’ve spent the past few months allowing myself to get so caught up with everything going on in my life that I never had time for me.

I’ve spent too much time worrying about my career, stressing out over other people’s  incompetence or being stuck in situations making decisions that I know I should never need to make because I am worth more than that.

In thinking about this, I realized that I need time alone. I need time for myself. I need time for me.

The first step in my plan for doing this has already been started: focusing on my fitness and making it a priority in my life. I’m allowing myself to be selfish and care for myself instead of spending all of my time being so obsessed in nonissues.

The next? When I thought about it, it came naturally. I grew up in an untraditional manner without a real set of parents or a traditional sense of family. Attempting to conform to Christmas traditions when I’m not even religious in the first place? Seems relatively pointless. It doesn’t help that I quite frankly have little to no interest in seeing people that I don’t really want to be around. And for the people that I do want to be around, well things are too inaccessible. It’s not that I hate the people in my life (not all of them at least), it’s just that I need time for myself. And apparently I just needed some time to get to that conclusion.3 months of time.

I’ve had to mentally prepare myself for the “so what did you do over the holidays” when I get asked by colleagues, cohort-mates, or even friends / “family”.  Of course, because this happened on the elliptical, I’ve already thought things through. I’m planning on a prime rib dinner for 1 with a deliciously baked sweet potato. I’m going to finish my dinner and watch a movie. All by myself. And before that? Well, Christmas is on a Friday, and that means it’s chest day for me. So really… does it get much better than that?

How I’m Supplementing

I think supplementation has a strong component in any training program. Because I’ve been getting a few questions about what I use and what I take I created a new page (and tab up top) to share some of my personal favorites and my key “look-fors” when I’m shopping for alternatives that are on sale.

The Brand New Supplementation Page

I don’t think supplementation is some magical solution to being lazy or having a bad diet BUT I think that all else being the same, having a strong supplementation stack is definitely helpful in getting the results that you want.

Featured in my recommendations include brands from Kaged Muscle, Jym, Muscle Pharm, and Muscle Tech.

Questions? Let me know!

Determination comes from within, but motivation doesn’t have to

One of my first blog posts when I started Fitting in Fitness was on the topic of commitment after a small shoulder injury. In that blog post, I deconstructed what determination and commitment meant to me. To recap:

Perhaps what is so striking about this word is its emphasis on persistence and persevering. In many ways, I see commitment as being result to determination–determination being the result of one’s free will, and commitment being a result of said free will. They are, however not the same thing.

Determination comes from within. Determination is your own free will. Your dedication towards a vision.

Commitment is scary. Commitment is ambiguous. Commitment is vague. Commitment requires courage.

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine last night and she told me she needed motivation to get fit again. This triggered something in me and made me think about motivation. I talked about determination, and commitment as a result of determination… but I never thought about my motivators.

Then today, while I was on the elliptical after one of my birthday dinners (yes plural, yes I’m obnoxious), I was having a moment where I felt discouraged and tired. I use my elliptical time as catch up time for my own thoughts and to catch up with friends and so I started texting one of my best friends who’s joined me on this fitness adventure, Jerry. I complained about how I felt like I couldn’t do it. His response: “YOU GOT THIS. Halfway done? You’ve done it once. You can do it again.”

This made me think – #4weeks2shred is brutal, but I’ve totally survived it before. There’s no reason why i can’t do it again.

Reflecting on this entire process, I realized that there were multiple motivators going on in this situation. On one level, there’s the obvious friend providing support to me. On another level, I was also receiving motivation intrinsically from the fact that I’ve done cardio before, and I’ve done this plan before. Then of course, there’s the end goal that’s also serving as another motivation because 1) I want to succeed for myself but also 2) because I’ve written my goals down and shared them, and I didn’t want to let anyone down.

In that same period of time, a friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while reached out to me and asked me for fitness advice. I took some time to explain what macros were, and shared my favorite protein power with him. Even though this was something small, it felt good to be able to give that advice. It was validating.

In my counseling course, we talked about ethics and the idea of beneficence and nonmaleficence, the idea of doing good and not causing harm. While they seem similar and slightly redundant, doing one doesn’t necessarily mean the other. I found this to relate to the motivators that I had because I found motivators that were both intrinsic and extrinsic. This was because of the support system I created for myself and this blog itself.

In thinking about all of these various motivators, I came to realize that while motivation can come from within, it can also come from the outside. And more importantly, I came to realize that all of these different motivators can come together to help support your determination to form commitment. In other words:

Commitment = Determination + Motivation

Motivators exist in a lot of different places. It’s about finding what motivators work for you. In thinking back, I don’t think there’s a single type of motivation that works best for me. I think that the inherently cyclical nature of combined motivation has impacted me the most. I never thought about what kind of motivation I needed, but I just made sure I surrounded myself with whatever I could get.

And to my friends who read this and are looking for your motivation — I don’t know that any amount of motivation would have been helpful if it didn’t start with determination. Motivation is around me and I’m sure it’s around you; but if you don’t let it motivate you in the first place, then what good is any motivation at all? Believe in yourself and don’t find excuses. Instead, find yourself and prioritize yourself. You can fit in fitness, I know you can!

A moment of vulnerability & what I did about it…

Today was one of those days where I questioned if I could do it all… I somehow managed to let ridiculous amounts of work pile on towards the end of the day. As I sat on my bed, eating my steak and broccoli, I stared at the readings that still needed to be started on, watched the amount of email pile into my inbox, gazed at the meetings that kept getting added to my calendar, and thought about the to-do list slowly but surely expanding in my mind (yes all within the span of consuming a 1.2 lb ribeye), and realized that I failed to meal prep for the week.

After I quickly washed and threw some sweet potatoes into my still-preheating oven (shhhhh), I prepared a mixture of Hydracharge and Kaged BCAAs for my cardio session. For the first couple of minutes on the elliptical, I felt distracted from all the things I couldn’t stop thinking about. The stress was distracting me from something that was mindless. What became worse was when I realized my heart rate, for whatever reason, was being especially difficult and not increasing above 70% of my max heart rate, as prescribed by Kris in the 4weeks2shred program.  In that moment, it seemed like everything was against me.

As I continued to step, one of my “motivation” songs came up: Untouchable by Tritonal and Cash Cash

We been wondering in the dark… A million miles apart… Going nowhere… Believe that even if were lost… You know it won’t be long ‘til we get there

Spinning around no control… Burning down… I’m letting go… We been wondering in the dark… When no matter where are… Just remember

We rise and we fall We’ll stay We’ll stay untouchable

For whatever reason, I had one of those “crystalizing revelations” where I suddenly realized that I wasn’t being who I was. Everything that I do in my entire life has been based on the fact that I am not one who half-asses anything. I don’t ever give my 70, 80, or even my 90 percent. It’s always my 100 or 110.

I thought about Kris, and how he taught me face fear. I thought about how he always says “knowledge without mileage is bullshit.” I thought about how he said that if the things that we do in the gym were easy, everyone would have the body that they wanted.

Then I thought about transferable skillsets. I thought about the amazing profession that I work in, and how I tell my students to think about how they can apply the work that they do in their organizations to their professional lives. And I realized this was no different for me.

I realized that I HAD to give my 100% and to be focused on the task at hand. I realized that the dedication I put in the gym had to be realized in my life outside. I realized that where I want to be in life isn’t easy and that if I wanted to be where I want to be, it would be difficult. I realized in that moment that that would be ok.


I successfully pushed out a full cardio session. I gave it my all and allowed myself to focus on what I was doing. I gave myself permission to forget about the other nuances in my life, and just give myself those remaining 30 minutes to focus on myself. I told myself that once I left, I would face fear, and to continue pushing through the hard times. And as for my heart rate? Well…


145 is 72.5% of my max heart rate — I did it!

In thinking about all of these things, I became grateful. I thought about the friend that I could text when the elliptical got boring. The friend who would leave my sticky notes at work, just because they could tell I was having a bad day through a text. The friend who introduced something new into my life, and let me be spontaneous. The friend who goes to target with me, sometimes just because of how much of a smile it puts on my face to walk through each aisle.

I became grateful for the amazing people I’ve had in my life: the mentors that have challenged me every step of the way and the friends who’ve always been there to support me.

I do what I do in the gym for no one but myself. But when the rest of my life gets difficult, it’s pretty damn nice to have those people there for me. And when I need to escape, I’ll always have that time on the elliptical to just be me.